Red Tin Heart..

Matt Maher - Hold us together with lyrics

2012-02-03T11:29:00.000-08:00

I am will be my brother's keeper..So the whole world will know you are not alone

Ice

2012-02-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

I walked on the ice..The creek had been frozen for a week.

I was 12..I had long brown hair almost to my waist and I had on a beautiful brown fur parka that had buttons made of bone.

It was a magical day..The ice made everything feel surreal. I walked on the deepest part of the creek almost wishing it would break..That way if I died it would be such a tragedy. It would have been in the papers and my classmates would have mourned me. My Mom and sisters would throw themselves on my coffin and weep loudly inconsolably, almost dying from losing me.

The thoughts of a 12 year old are hard to understand at times.

My cheeks were on fire from the cold as I walked home.... I studied the snow..With huge icicles that hung off the houses. I suddenly felt quite sad..Time seemed to be going so fast. I had remembered when I was 5 . And thoughts of those times filled my head on my walk home ..I was mixed with happy thoughts and sad ones.

I reached home that evening and Mom had made beef stew. I remember looking at her and loving her so much at that moment..I ran up and hugged her and told her the food smelled so good. She said, "Well go eat silly."

And I did with eyes of a 40 year old instead of a 12 year old. Thanking God in my heart for the good times.

Nita

Big Red

2012-01-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

Today we had to have our dog put down. He was such a good dog.

How, he was that good, I will never know. When he came here 4 years ago he had been beaten and tortured and had his throat cut. Me and my Dad nursed him back to health.

I hate it that the good things in the world suffer more than the bad things. But who am I to question God?

Big Red always had these sad, sad eyes..You could see his soul through them, and all that was there, was love.

He was suffering though and it needed to be done. It was the humane thing to do.

Sometimes we need to learn to let go...

nita

Donny Hathaway - A Song For You

2012-01-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

we were alone and i was singing this song for you

Jewel Who will save your soul Video

2012-01-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

Nina Simone - I Loves You Porgy

2012-01-26T07:37:00.000-08:00

RUNNING UP THAT HILL ~ KATE BUSH ~ LYRICS

2012-01-25T21:53:00.000-08:00

If I only could....

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly

2012-01-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

A Sweet and beautiful song...It makes me hurt all over..In a good way

Lissie - Everywhere I Go

2012-01-24T10:38:00.000-08:00

LIFE TEACHES US TO BE LESS HARSH WITH OURSELVES AND WITH OTHERS.
Goethe

Billie Holiday - Come Rain Or Come Shine

2012-01-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

Sassy Gay Friend - SASSY GAY FRIEND: CYRANO de BERGERAC

2012-01-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

Joy Harjo A Poem to Get Rid of Fear

2012-01-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

Zig Ziglar - Attitude Makes All The Difference

2012-01-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

Sia - Breathe Me

2012-01-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

this is all i have today...that and my faith.
smiling softly and sadly

2012-01-17T07:43:00.000-08:00

I never knew you could see so much pain in my eyes until I took this photo..It was a year and a half after his death. I had stayed up all night. Back then I was lucky if I got 2 hours sleep a night. I was a ghost in my house..Dying slowly from grief. It took so long to get to where I am now. Sometimes it is imperative to look back and see your progress.

Garbage - Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses (U2 Cover)

2012-01-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

just listen to the poetry of these lyrics....just listen

Damien Rice - Rootless Tree (Live from Abbey Road)

2012-01-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

{This post is from a diary I started a year ago in February.. Actually, February 12, 2011. One day before I started going out with Jim.}

This song has one curse word in it..And I apologize for that but it is needed. The song..that is.

I cried. The sobs wracked my frame. I had been riding my exercise bike and praying.

It came over me in waves. Oceans of tears..I cried so much, my shirt was wet down the whole front.

The past 3 years and 7 months have been Hell.

With John dying, my surgery, Elizabeth's health. And so much more. I can't even speak of how much more. It hurts too much.

I felt in my heart, God say, " I understand Everything you have done and why you have done it."

The past year I have been on auto-pilot. The walking dead.

Numb

Numb

Numb

Lost inside myself so deep that I didn't know if I could make it out.

What can I say about suffering? It is intense. Like Jack Nicholson.

Some days I feel I can barely breath.

How do I get through it?

I wake up. I get dressed. Take my medicine. Drink some tea.

"Play some music."

Pray...That God will help me get through another day. Pray I get my needs taken care of.

And I put on the mask that every thing's ok.

When you suffer
it scares people..for you.

They can't fathom why it is happening.

I've learned this in suffering.

"God is good...All the time."

He has helped me through nights I spent on the floor crying myself to sleep..Those nights I wanted to die.

I wanted to die because of the suffering.

There were days I drove for hours..Trying not to think. Trying to breath.

There is a song by Damien Rice called, Rootless Tree. There is one line that describes me, how I feel.

"We do what we need to be free and this leans on me like a rootless tree."

I have prayed for answers. I have begged God to show me the way, everyday..

So I just take it a step at a time
a second at a time.

And I feel like I am healing
Slowly...

NBZ February, 12, 2011

Busted Heart - For king & Country

2012-01-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

I will give God glory in my suffering. I will give Him honor in my hunger. I will hold onto Him like a child holds onto their Mother's leg.

I pray He makes me as close to Him as a man's belt upon his waist...

He has never left me, He has never forsaken me.

He has always watched out for me ..Even in my darkest moments when I laid drunk upon the floor. Drugged out and desperate. He made me straight. He took my addictions away.

He saved my life so many times..I can't count them all.

And I have at times been faithless. Ungrateful for His tender mercies.

I have been a mess. A fool. Yet, He loves me.

And that, is the most awesome gift I have ever received.

An unfailing love, and a love that does not stop.

Even if, we have never had anyone be faithful to us in our lives. He is faithful.

And I praise Him today ....And I love Him.

More than anything...Or anyone.

Nita Zimmerman- Skibinski

Sun Kil Moon - Lost Verses

2012-01-13T06:50:00.000-08:00

There is no quiet place in your cities, no place to hear the leaves of Spring or the rustle of insects wings...

The Indians prefer the soft sound of the wind darting over the face of the pond, the smell of the wind itself cleansed by a midday rain, or scented with pinon, pine.

The air is precious to the red man, for all things share the same breath-the animals, the trees, the man.
Like a man who has been dying for many days, a man in your city is numb to the stench.

Chief Seattle
1790-1866

Nick Cave - Love Letter (Live)

2012-01-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

i love this song...love it

Al Green - Lay it Down

2012-01-09T15:03:00.000-08:00

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Ray Lamontagne - Can I stay

2012-01-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

just sharing good music today..it is all i have...love nita

John Legend- I Love, You Love

2012-01-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

hearts break so easy...

Raphael Saadiq ft. Joss Stone - Just One Kiss

2012-01-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Night in africa walks
into day as quickly
as a moth is extinguished
by its desire for flame

the clouds in the caribbean carry
night like a young man
with a proud erection dripping
black dots across the blue sky
the wind its mistress of the sun howls
her displeasure at the involuntary
fertilization

but nights are white
in new york
the shrouds of displeasure
mask our fear of facing
ourselves between the lonely
sheets

by Nikki Giovanni

Raphael Saadiq - Sometimes

2012-01-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

let me tell you about my day...it started about 7:00

Sara Smile - The Bird and The Bee

2012-01-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

I was sweeping the floor yesterday feeling sad..When I found a magnet under the table.

I bent down and picked up and read: Only those who risk going too far
Will ever know how far to go
That spoke to me...

How many times do we stay in our safe little corner of the world without ever risking anything?

When we know we have the capabilities to do anything, if we believe we can.

We stay where we are out of fear of failing..Out of insecurity..

I won't be afraid this year! I will go too far. I will take risks.

I will succeed in the goals I have set. And I believe anyone who is reading this will too. I really do.
With God's help we can do anything.

Nita

Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

2012-01-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

i know it is late..but dance! i command you. ha ha
love nita

Fleet Foxes - Tiger Mountain Peasant Song (Cover)

2012-01-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

A little gift from me....

Wrote a post but accidentally deleted it. Grr. But I must need to work on it.
So enjoy the song..It is amazing ..Their harmony is perfect.

love Nita

Iron and Wine - Boy With A Coin (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

2011-12-26T06:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes what appears to be ordinary is actually quite extraordinary..Yes?

xoxo Nita

Buckingham Nicks "Crystal"

2011-12-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

I came home from work today and I treated her awful..

It was another bad day at work. More coaching people on how to do their job. More employee bickering. If I could, I would fire 50 percent of them, and start all over.

My assistant moved a month ago and his replacement got a better job at the last minute.So I have all the headaches until I find a replacement.

She was tending to her plants when I walked in..Watering them and pinching off the dead leaves. She always sings when she does this.

She was singing an old blues song, St. John's Infirmary, and she was clapping and and dancing between watering and pinching. Oblivious to my presence.

She turned around to me glaring at her. "For God's sake why don't you stop that racket? You aren't even singing it right!" I yelled.

She stopped in mid-air and burst into tears and ran into her studio.

I immediately felt awful. "Why did I do that to her?"

I knocked on her studio door. She said to me very calmly, "Please leave me alone for a few minutes. I am looking up the lyrics to St.John's Infirmary. Oh wait, I found it. And yes, I was singing it right!" She yelled through the door.

I started laughing and she did too.

She opened the door slightly and peeked out with one big green eye..She still had drops of tears down her face.

"I am so sorry...I had another horrible day at work and took it out on you. I had a lump in my throat. But knew the tears would never come. I continued, " You did nothing..It was all me."

She flung the door open and flew into my arms and kissed my face all over.

"I can't stay mad at you..I wish I could." She said between kisses.

I wrapped her wiggling body in my arms and she became still around me.

"Well, personally I am happy you can't stay mad at me. For my existence would be tortuous if you could.
I feel pretty lost right now having all the work thrust upon me. And slightly crazy."

She reached up and ran one finger down my jawline. I felt shivers go down my spine.

"It's ok," she said. Her lip trembling.

I said to her, "The stars are going to be brilliant this evening. Let's go your observatory and look at them through the telescope. And let me make love to you amongst the stars and heavenly bodies."

I knew she would love that..And I knew I would.

She smiled at me right then. And suddenly my world was alright.

And I love her...

Henri

The Diary of Henri

2011-12-23T05:43:00.000-08:00

I would bleed to love her.
Henri

Counting Crows- Hangin' Around

2011-12-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

I give myself permission to be happy..For the first time in a long time I feel free.
Yah!

love Nita

Forever Young by JOAN BAEZ

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

The fiery moments of a passionate experience are moments of wholeness and totality.
Anais Nin

Dionne Warwick I Say A Little Prayer 1967 Original Million Seller

2011-12-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

Oscar Wilde {1854-1900}
Writer, Playwright

Thank you Colette ..

Diane Birch - Nothing But A Miracle

2011-12-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

Another tune for you Laura Nyro fan ..Smiling softly..Diane Birch reminds me very much of Laura.. I hope you like her.

xo Nita

Laura Nyro I Am The Blues

2011-12-20T14:53:00.000-08:00

There was a person who left a comment on a song I posted by Laura Nyro, Upstairs by a Chinese Lantern. You wrote about Joni Mitchell being influenced by LAURA...I never knew that. I thought Laura had been influenced by her. So I dedicate this song to you..
xo Nita

Dave Matthews Band - American Baby

2011-12-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

The lyrics to this song are powerful. He talks about if these walls came tumbling down, how she could still make lemonade taste like a Summer day...

I get knocked down daily. I do. My Mom has a form of Dementia and she is often mean. Then she cries and apologizes.

My emotions feel like they are in a wind tunnel and they are getting blown a hundred miles an hour...Daily.

I am the brokest I have ever been. My car was repossessed this Summer. But I will praise God in this storm. Yesterday was one of the lowest days I have had in quite awhile.

We are out of everything...

I am writing this to encourage anybody else how is going through something like this.

But my faith is great. I say to these circumstances you will not defeat me! I will find joy in the sunrise and the sunset. I will find joy in this rain that is trying to beat me down. For we need the rain. So I will appreciate it instead of curse it.

I will thank God for what I do have instead of complaining about what I don't have.

I have 3 step-kids we are not sure what we will do for Christmas. I feel confident in God that He will provide.

And I put all my faith today that my life and circumstances will turn around. Because what we expect is what we get in life. I am turning my thinking around. I write down my blessings in the mornings. I write out confessions to speak out over my life and I do it.

You have nothing to lose by doing this. But have everything to gain. Expect life to be good..Expect blessings from God to come to you..Expect favor everywhere you go. I do.

The physical is often hard to battle. Yesterday I was dwelling in the physical and not in the spirit. And it tore me down. I thought about all that surrounds me and I felt like giving up.

I was sitting on the floor by my bed crying..And praying. And I asked God to give me hope. I opened the Bible to Isaiah 35 and I began to read about heaven and how all of our sorrows would be wiped away. It gave me the courage to go get a bath and turn my day around.

Before that I was dwelling on my circumstances. I was thinking, I hate everything right now. I guess we all feel that way sometimes.

I have lived through many hard times and when I walk by faith instead of sight I know in my heart I can make it.

I wasn't going to write this today but I felt compelled.

Take a step with me today. Let's praise God for what He is going to bring us instead of complaining..Let us be different than others that surround us..

Let's make lemonade taste like a Summer day..Today.

love Nita

India Arie - Heart of the matter + Umbrella

2011-12-19T11:13:00.000-08:00

From the book, Your Best Life Now
7 Steps To Living At Your Full Potential
by Joel Osteen

You must look through your "eyes of faith" and start seeing yourself as happy, healthy, and whole. That means even when your situation looks bleak, when you're tempted to be discouraged or depressed, you must encourage yourself by praying, "God, I know that You are in control, and even though my situation looks impossible, I know today could be the day that things turn around. "

{I will encourage myself today..And I hope anyone else who is battling depression or just life in general..I hope this encourages you..}

love Nita

George Michael - I Can't Make You Love Me

2011-12-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

For the last 2 weeks I have been in this terrible slump. I am fighting sadness today. The pills only help so much. Smiling softly..

I feel broken in so many ways...But I am trying to get whole.

When I was in the park one day I saw this little old lady feeding the birds. I was sitting in the car smoking a cigarette and thinking..Just thinking.

She began to cry as she was feeding them. I debated on what to do. She was about 10 feet away from me..

I got out of my car and asked her if she minded if I sat by her. She hurriedly wiped her tears away with her sleeve. She told me I could.

I told her I couldn't help but notice her crying and I asked her if there was anything I could do..She smiled at me then. A smile born of brokenness and being alone in the world. And my heart broke for her.

She said, "How about talking to me for a few minutes? That would be so nice. I haven't talked to a real human for 2 weeks." And she began to cry again. I put my arm around her and we sat silently for a few minutes.

She began, "I only have my cat and my birds I feed everyday..He is good company we watch TV together. And he meows while I sing." She laughed a soft laugh.. "My family is grown and gone. And I have always been afraid to be close to people..So here I sit alone." She smiled again.

The little old lady was me in 20 years...I imagined it all. If I don't change and give people a chance.

What if I get hurt? We all get hurt. But what if something great happens and I make friends and I get out of this shell I have been in all these years? I want to..So bad. I will. I have so much to give. I will not be that little old lady in the park crying and feeding the birds with my cat for my only company.

I will try...

love Nita

p.s one reason i have been terribly sad is i lost my camera a few weeks ago..we ate out and i left it there and went back to get it and it was gone. taking photos makes me happier than almost anything..

Lauryn Hill - A Change Is Gonna Come

2011-12-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

And I can't leave the great Lauryn Hill out...

A quote I borrowed....
Every great journey begins with a single step.

So believe with me for 2012 to be better for us all..I have great hope for my days and minutes and moments to be better..I believe I will prosper greatly this coming year. And I will be restored.

love Nita

p.s. Hope you all enjoy the different versions of this song. It is very special to me. It saved my life once.

Gavin DeGraw - Change is Going to Come

2011-12-18T14:24:00.000-08:00

OTTIS REDDING - A CHANGE GONNA COME

2011-12-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Ottis Redding's version is my favorite of this song ..But Gavin Degraw does a fine job..And of course there is nothing bad you could ever say about Sam Cooke.

A Change Is Gonna Come, Sam Cooke, 1963

2011-12-18T13:51:00.000-08:00

Eva Cassidy-Songbird

2011-12-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

Last song for the night...May my music speak for me...love nita

LOUIS ARMSTRONG ~ When You`re Smilin`~

2011-12-17T16:12:00.000-08:00

Mom always sang this song to us..It always made me cry. Because she was so sad when she sang it..Smiling softly and sadly

Shelby Lynne - If I Were Smart

2011-12-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

A song about feeling too much...It is beautiful

I love her even more because of her drunkenness. I have a soft spot for drunks..

Sparklehorse More Yellow Brids

2011-12-17T16:08:00.000-08:00

Surviving meant being born over and over...

Erica Jong

[HD] Bat For Lashes - Siren Song (Live Shepherds Bush Empire 2009)

2011-12-17T15:52:00.000-08:00

are you my family? can i stay with you awhile.... (these lyrics touch me so much) i have felt them, often

Bat For Lashes - Daniel

2011-12-17T15:46:00.000-08:00

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video

2011-12-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you.

Zora Neale Hurston

It took so long to put the light back in my eyes....

Ocean Breathes Salty - Sun Kil Moon

2011-12-15T10:37:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest songs I have ever heard..It says don't waste life. I want to live every moment to the fullest...If God allows me too..Even in my sorrow and trials I bless Him for all of my experiences I have had on this earth.

Hope you all like it

love Nita

The Diary of Henri

2011-12-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

The first part of my day was lousy. So many headaches were before me as soon as I walked in the door at work. Half of the people who work for me are idiots. They have been trained to do their job but come to me on a daily asking for help. And there are the others who don't play well with others. It is frustrating.

Things are going to change. People are going to get fired and replaced with people who can do their work and get along with other people.

She picks me up for lunch and has on a t-shirt that says "Have a cupcake and save the world one smile at a time." I laugh out loud.

And she smiles the smile I love...My favorite smile. The one that makes her look like a child.

And I immediately feel sad.....Why do I have to come back to work? I wish I could just reside in her warmth all day.

She says, "Get in silly the rain is going to wash you away." And I get into her beat up Volkswagen.
It use to be red. Now it is just rust colored.

"I am buying you a new car." I say with a sideways grin.

"No you aren't!" She says indignantly. "I love my bug"

"Then please let me pay for a paint job for this ugly little beast." I ask imploringly.

"I could go for that." She smiles.

"So what's for lunch today." I ask her.

"Open the bag now and eat now." She orders. "There is a peanut butter sandwich and a juice box. Sorry we were out of pop. And be grateful it was my last juice box." She says all of this in one steady stream.

"OK what's the rush?" I ask her amused.

"We are going to the planetarium for a half hour show on the planets. And we will sit in the back row and kiss. And sometimes watch the show between kisses." She smiles and lights the sun up in my world.

How can I say no? I swallow the lump in my throat because she makes me feel like I am 13 again.

The show was marvelous but Her kisses are what I remember most.

And I love her....

Henri
December 13, 2011

(a work of fiction)

by Nita Zimmerman- Skibinski @2011

The Diary of Henri

2011-12-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

   She is the moon to my night sky.

She is the only one that makes me feel whole.

And when she walks into a room..I smell her hair on the cool night breeze. It smells of tangerines.

I take her in and I want her every caress..I notice her eyes. Because she always looks down when she walks..She doesn't want anyone to see her pain, she told me.

I want to touch her but I wait...

She dresses in clothes that would look good on no one but her. Flannel shirts over her blue jean dress..Her hair pulled back in multicolored rags. She takes my breath away.

And at times when she walks through the room she will have her sheer green nightdress on..The on that falls off  her creamy shoulders. And once again I remember why I fell in love with her.

She doesn't know I keep a diary..All about her.

I can't tell her. My love is great but I cannot let it show. She has been hurt. But so have I.

My heart ripped out with a wound so deep I can hardly breath most days.

At night I watch her sleep before I drift off, and I pray for her..Her nightmares are nightly. Fighting off some unknown assailant from her past. And at that time I want to time travel and beat down all the people who have ever hurt her..She never sees me cry. But when she is asleep I do. Not to manly to admit, I guess. But my tears for her are real. They are out of my need for us both to be whole. To be free.

When I feel like I have no heart..She warms it and reminds me, yes I do.

And I worry..Will I lose her to death? Will she someday become to tired of fighting that she finally does it?

Oh God, I pray she does not. I need her, I need her.

She has loved me more than anyone I have ever known. She does not ask me for things..But I want to give to her. My heart, my soul, my spirit, my life. But I can't say it. The words are frozen in my throat like blocks of ice. I can barely tell her she is pretty..It is my pride.

What if I do tell her..And she sees that as power over me? I was raised to keep everything in..Pain, Heartbreak, passion, Love.

                                            Henri

(a work of fiction)

by Nita Zimmerman - Skibinski

Will Johnson - Just To Know What You've Been Dreaming

2011-12-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

I would walk a 1,000 miles just to know what you've been dreaming..And I would steal a 1,000 smiles just to make sure that you're laughing.....I would

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole

2011-12-10T14:55:00.000-08:00

Mom is worse everyday..Dementia started setting in a few years ago. She is not diagnosed, but Grandma had it, and she has begun to act just like her.

My world is sad so often because of her gradual decline. She cussed me out today..This morning..And my heart felt like it was in a vise..I felt like a bird with a knot in my throat. And I cried...And I cried. So many tears.

I remembered her when I was little..Her mind sharp. She was working in the garden. And I stood at the window and watched her. I loved her pink shirt and her blue shorts. She looked so much younger than her actual age.

And I loved her..I still love her. But things are different now. She cries to me. "I am losing my mind."

And I say, "No Mom you aren't." But I know she is..Sorrow is like this wind tunnel that blows over me 1,000 miles an hour.

I wake everyday and I pray for her..God please let her have peace now. Let her be happy. For she has never really had the chance to be very happy.

Melancholy has wiped me out today. It has a temporary hold for a while.

I am working on the house and trying not to think about it too much. Because tomorrow is a new day.

love Nita

Stevie Nicks - Bella Donna

2011-12-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

Coming out of the darkness...Smiling softly

Laura Story - Blessings

2011-12-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure which is: Try to please everyone.

Herbert Bayard Swope

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life
by conscious endeavor.

Thoreau

The more the marble wastes, the more the statue grows.

Michelangelo

Mirth is like
a flash of lighting,
that breaks through
a gloom of clouds,
and glitters for a moment;
cheerfulness keeps up
a kind of daylight in the mind,
and fills it with a steady
and perpetual serenity.

Joseph Addison

Light seeking light
doth light beguile.

Shakespeare

Neither a lofty degree
of intelligence
nor imagination nor both together
go to the making of genius.
Love, love, love,
that is the soul of genius.

Mozart

You see things;
and you say, "Why?"
But I dream things
and I say, "Why not?"

George Bernard Shaw

Just trust yourself,
then you will know
how to live.

Goethe

Action is the antidote
to despair.

Joan Baez

Melody Gardot - Love Me Like A River Does

2011-12-06T15:49:00.000-08:00

I am going to start selling books for altered art within the next three weeks. And selling my jewelry. I have a lot of supplies. I have been scared to..But my stuff is good. Will keep you all posted. I am feeling more courageous. Thank you to whom ever prays me..I feel it.

love Nita

B.o.B - Nothin' On You [feat. Bruno Mars] (Video)

2011-12-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

This song makes me happy..I feel better today. I feel more hopeful. A friend gave me some great ideas yesterday. And I am going to explore them. Started writing a plan out last night.

Love Nita

Aqualung - Brighter Than Sunshine

2011-12-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

I love, love, love this song...It makes me feel what it is like falling in love..again

Mixed Media with Suzi Blu: Butterfly

2011-12-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

Awesome...

Mixed Media with Suzi Blu

2011-12-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Suzi Blu is a creative genius...And funny

STEVIE NICKS Has anyone ever written LIVE at RED ROCKS

2011-12-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

And the rain falls down and there is no pain and no sound...

Visual Journalism 101 Tutorial

2011-12-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

Beth Orton

2011-12-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

Woke up crying..

Things are so tough. I have no furnace..Just 2 space heaters..Applied for one. Pray for me that I get one. It is fixing to turn really cold.

On a bright note my orchard bloomed and it is beautiful..It has made my whole week. When I walk past it I feel so happy and it makes me feel less chilled. Smiling softly and sadly.

Love Nita

P.s If anyone is going through a rough time right now like me..Don't give up..Things will be brighter..Someday

Donny Hathaway - A Song For You

2011-12-04T14:19:00.000-08:00

Just listening to this as I clean..Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone sang this to you..Just you?

Ben Harper - In Your Eyes

2011-12-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

I remember there were days I was so lonely I tied notes to tumbleweeds and sent them off on the wind. Like Evie in Conagher ..The book by Louis la'More.

Some days. even now I feel that way. I feel alone.

I feel as if I am choking on the things I can't seem to change, and I lay prostrate on the floor and beg God not to leave me...I pray He helps me to have the strength I need to change. I want to so bad..To change.

I have lost my words lately..My ability to write stories. And I grieve for that.

And I grieve over this computer..I can't leave comments on any one's site. And I feel as I am always in a one sided conversation.

And often I feel so weak. I am ashamed to admit that. And I feel like the worst sinner in the world. I cuss and smoke cigarettes and tell dirty jokes sometimes.

Gotta clean the house. I don't know if anyone is reading this..But if you are thanks.

love Nita

Jolie Holland - Mexican Blue (fan video)

2011-12-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

If I could go anywhere today..
It would be with you

I would happily clean the toilet with you. Watch boring football games..And soak in the warmth of you.Thank God you can't stand sports.

I would walk to a neighboring state with you and trade you shoes if yours got wet

My coat would reside with you if you got cold

And if you cried..I would cry too

Watching you sleep with your hand curled into a small fist makes my heart beat with love

And if your ship went down in the middle of the ocean and we had no lifeboat I would spend my time listening to whatever you had to say

And when the waves took us over I would whisper in your ear

I love You

Nita- Barrow Zimmerman Skibinski
@December 4, 2011

Me singing River, by Joni Mitchell

2011-12-04T07:28:00.000-08:00

I woke to the smell of coffee and tangerines..And this song was playing in my head. It is almost Christmas. And the grey skies swirl about me like ghosts with their sheer sadness.

Today I will only allow myself a small time to grieve for what I can't change. And then I will change what I can.

Even though it is grey and and raining I will make the house bright with lights..Soft lights.

And I will make something good to eat. Like toast with plum jelly.

love Nita

Janis Joplin - Little Girl Blue (This is Tom Jones, 1969)

2011-12-03T12:24:00.000-08:00

My last song for today. I hope you guys like them. The music is kinda speaking for me today..Smiling softly

love nita

Jessie Baylin - Leave Your Mark

2011-12-03T12:19:00.000-08:00

This song haunts me..

Joe Purdy - Why You (HQ)

2011-12-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

Why you always being so mean...

Meg Hutchinson - Seeing Stars

2011-12-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

I listen to this and dream of living on a houseboat...Just a small one would be cool

Thank You (Real to Reel 2007)

2011-12-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

Another great cover..

Lemongrass - A Journey To A Star

2011-12-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

wonderful..

smoke city - imagine

2011-12-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

A good cover of John Lennon's Imagine..Mellow

Joseph Arthur - In The Sun

2011-12-03T11:53:00.000-08:00

When you showed me myself..You know I became someone else

Love Is Everything - KD Lang (Max Sessions)

2011-12-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

Love can make us climb mountains..It can give us the courage to conquer things we just can't seem to conquer on our own.

When someone is truly in love with you, they think of you first. Both partners should always put the other one first. Think of their feelings. Help them achieve their goals. Work towards the same purpose

I was this little kid, who had no one, to truly be there, for me everyday. And someone could have beat me and yelled at me, but I would not cry. I was beaten if I did cry..

But when my fourth grade teacher showed me love. A dam burst, and the tears wouldn't stop. She asked me why I cried. I told her because I truly felt loved, and not just in everybodies way.

And I felt love for the first time with no expectations.

She then cried. So to me, yes, love is everything.

xoxo nita

Jon B. Don't Say

2011-12-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

i love this..

Morcheeba - Rome Wasn't Built In A Day

2011-12-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

one fine day....

Stardust - Music sounds better with you (miami horror remix)

2011-12-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

dance....

Estate - Let Her Know

2011-12-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

A faithful friend is the medicine of life.

Ecclesiastes

Tears For Fears - Woman In Chains ft. Oleta Adams

2011-12-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

Since yesterday afternoon it has been terrible. But I am trying very hard to put faith in my heart, I must say God is good all the time. Whether we realize it or not. He is..

I cry as I write this because my soul is in torment at this moment. I just want the struggle not to be so hard. I need a break from all this madness.

Great men
are they who see
that spiritual is stronger
than any material force,
that thoughts rule the world.
Emerson

My prayer for today is this:

Let me be an instrument of peace. Let me see the sorrow of others so I may comfort them in their hour of need. Let faith rise up in my like a very strong tower. And may everyone else who is struggling with sorrow today be helped by the Lord..

Love Nita

Julie London - Bye Bye Blackbird

2011-12-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

I imagine me dancing slowly with you in a smoky little bar in a foreign land to this tune.. You slip your arms about me tenderly. And I am hoping every emotion isn't showing on my face. For so often it does.

You are dressed in a black pin stripped suit. With wonderfully made shoes from Italy, that fit your feet so well. I have on a red dress. My hair is put up in an updo..With a silver comb in a French twist.

You run your thumbs down my cheeks and lift my face to meet yours..And you kiss me slowly.

There are no worries about money or how we are going to get this or that. We just are pleasantly in love and peaceful.

And you say, "Love isn't about leaving it is about weathering each and every storm with each other. It is me and you holding hands while we walk down the sidewalk. It is picking up little presents for each other. Like I know you love cherry chocolates that is why I bring you one everyday. It is you always having tea made for me because I love it. It isn't always rainbows and butterflies..But it is the feeling that it could be."

And I look up at you and smile. The smile I reserve for those I truly love..

xoxo Nita

for: Jim

"I'm Movin' On" - Rascal Flatts Official Music Video

2011-11-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

"I have dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons..Finally content with a past I regret. I have found you find strength in your moments of weakness. For once I am at peace with myself. I have been burdened by blame. Trapped in the past for too long. I'm moving on.."

The lyrics to this song are powerful..

I myself, have lived in the past for too long. That has been me. Feeling regret for every mistake I made with my kids. Regret for when I should have been patient and was not. Regret for not being able to understand John many times.

Our past can trap us, just like a physical obstacle can stop us physically.

I have loved like I should. But lived like I shouldn't. That has been me..

But I am moving on...

I am getting rid of stuff I should have gotten rid of along time ago. Stuff I have held onto that had memories ...

But than I became a hoarder. Do you know why people become hoarders? Because it is so hard to let go of people. I kept all my kid's school papers that had A's and some that didn't so they could see that making aB or C was OK. As long as they were trying.

I cleaned them out this week. I saved only a few from each grade and gave them to each child. Then burnt the rest. I still had John's clothes..I am taking them to the Salvation Army. Someone could use those. I am taking extra dishes to the Salvation Army too. Someone could use those too. The extra blankets are going to people who could use them. I have one person picked out to give some too. She has three little kids.

But possessions are just material things. The memories are within us. They won't leave. Even when people get old memories come back to them..The best ones. Have you ever noticed that?

I am going to organize the rest of my stuff...When I was a teenager I was very organized. I think people become hoarders also, because they just don't know what to do with the stuff. Elizabeth has moved back home and is helping me. She had some terrible experiences where she moved and came back.

She cried because she felt like she failed. I told her no you did not fail. You will be able to do the things you want to do. Just build yourself up and then do them.

I have always been told that failure is success turned inside out. I have failed so many times. But I don't give up. I pick myself up and I start over again.

It has been hard to admit I am a hoarder. Because you always see the people on TV where they find dead cats under their stuff that is not me. But I have found weird things. LoL

I encourage you today if you have something hard to face, don't beat yourself up. Please don't. Just face it with a brave heart. Because you can do it. I believe that with my whole heart.

love Nita

Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes (1986)

2011-11-29T19:56:00.001-08:00

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.

Kathleen Grove

You never
know what you can do till you try.

English proverb

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

The butterfly counts
not months
but moments,
and has time enough.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Use what talent you posses: the woods would be very silent if no birds except those that sang best.

-Henry Van Dyke

For my friend Robin....Thank you so much for all the love you ever showed me..Love Nita

Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over Lyrics

2011-11-29T12:10:00.000-08:00

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

E.M. Forster

I want to thank everyone who has left comments. I cannot leave comments yet. This dino is not letting me..

I have a friend who is going to fix a new computer for me. Hopefully this week. So ladies and gentleman I will leave comments on your sites as soon as I can. A special thank you to Donna and Prairie Man. I like Nickleback as well. I love music it goes with my everyday. I cannot forget Dawn from The Feathered Nest..I tried leaving comments for many people. I could not, I am so frustrated. And Dawn thank you for being happy I am back.

xoxo Nita

Aerosmith - Dream On Official Music Video

2011-11-28T13:14:00.000-08:00

I remember we were driving down Brookside Avenue..It was Summer and the air was heavy and filled with the smell of honeysuckle..and death.

Mom looked over and said there was animal laying on the vines..A doe. And I got a lump in my throat ..

She said there was no worse smell than the sticky sweetness of honeysuckle and death.

Dream on by Aerosmith was on the radio. I looked at Mom and the sun was shinning brightly on her red hair..Actually it was more of a deep auburn and it looked like a shiny penny.

I had been reading a book of poetry by Sylvia Plath but I sat it on my knee..

I began to think many things. I thought about the lyrics of the song playing

"Every time that I look in the mirror all these lines on my getting clearer." And I suddenly felt quite sad.

Why was there death? Why was there so much sadness in our lives that we just couldn't seem to escape from?

And I thought about good things like Community Beach..It was a little haven for my brother, sisters and I.

An old black man ran it. His weathered face would light up as soon as he saw the kids walking to the beach. His wrinkled hands and kind eyes were what I remembered most.

The little beach was full of happy kids, or maybe they were sad like us, who was just happy there.

to be continued...

Her Morning Elegance / Oren Lavie

2011-11-28T06:13:00.000-08:00

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."

Chuck Swindal Writer, Clergyman

Coldplay - Paradise

2011-11-25T18:54:00.000-08:00

When I was a girl...I dreamed of a better place. I wanted to be like the Little Princess who had someone crawl through my window and bring me new clothes and warm blankets and toys.

I guess I lived in somewhat of a fantasy land just to get through.

This week I was thinking of what I was most grateful for..It is God. He has been my source of comfort through all this hell.
He has been my source of comfort.

There have been many times I have been so low the thought of death was my only solace. To be in Paradise..

I am grateful for every minute I have on earth though.. I want to see my life turned around. This is my 5Th week in counseling. I feel like I have came far.

Life is still so hard. But I am taking it minute by minute instead of day by day.

The toughest lesson I have learned is that God should always be first in my life.

There have been so many things that I put over Him.

I don't want to do that anymore.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend everyone...

love nita

Snow Patrol - You Could Be Happy Lyrics

2011-11-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

Things don't always turn out the way we want..but i have been told running away isn't that answer...

Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You

2011-11-22T17:02:00.000-08:00

Tonic - If You Could Only See

2011-11-22T16:59:00.000-08:00

Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing (with lyrics)

2011-11-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

Lisa Loeb - Stay (I Missed You)

2011-11-22T16:41:00.000-08:00

Better Than Ezra - Desperately Wanting

2011-11-22T16:24:00.000-08:00

This song helped me through a summer 3 years ago...

Alison Krauss & Robert Plant : Killing The Blues (Live)

2011-11-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

Coldplay - Violet Hill

2011-11-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

Coldplay - The Scientist

2011-11-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

Nobody said it was easy..No one ever said it would be this hard

For The Widows In Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti

2011-11-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

1 more for you...love nita